Stop romanticizing Scandinavia

As a working mother, I’m as guilty as the next. When I hear that Norway gives 49 weeks of paid parental leave to new moms, I can’t help but wonder why the U.S. continues to lag so far behind in supporting families. Denmark has publicly subsidized childcare — yet my tax dollars are funding war crimes in the Middle East? Respectfully, why are we like this.

Before I eagerly commit my life to expatriatism, let’s look at the numbers. The current birthrate in America is 1.6 children per woman — well below the 2.1 replacement rate. In Denmark, it’s 1.52; in Sweden, 1.44; and in Norway, a mere 1.42. If Scandinavia is the global poster child for generous, family-friendly policies — paid parental leave, subsidized childcare, universal healthcare, and free education — why are they having even fewer children than we are?

One explanation is that women today have more freedom to pursue careers and fulfillment beyond motherhood. Many delay starting families — or choose not to have children at all. In places like Scandinavia, individualism, environmental sustainability, and self-realization are deeply ingrained cultural values. For many, having fewer or no children aligns with those ideals.

But here’s the thing: even in countries with strong safety nets, the support often plummets after the baby’s first year. Parents are expected to return to full-time work as if caregiving were a background task — not a full-time job in itself. What most policies fail to address is the long-term complexity of raising kids while trying to sustain a career. Parental leave is a great start, but the contradiction remains: we’re still expected to work like we don’t have kids, and parent like we don’t have jobs.

If employers truly wanted to support working families, they’d go beyond token perks. Offer remote work where possible. Normalize a shorter full-time workweek. Create paths for career pauses without penalty — with benefits and dignity intact.

The truth is, no country has figured this out. Not even the ones we romanticize. A side-effect of modern capitalism is fundamentally incompatible with raising children in a humane, balanced way. Until we rebuild systems that recognize caregiving as essential labor — not an inconvenient side hustle — the slow collapse of birthrates will continue.

Because at some point, if it’s this hard to become a parent and even harder to be one, people will just stop trying.